


'Cause Even Heroes Get The Blues

by killingmonsterswritingthings



Category: One Piece
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Flashbacks, Gen, Past Character Death, not quite PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-19
Updated: 2016-07-19
Packaged: 2018-07-25 10:41:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7529527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/killingmonsterswritingthings/pseuds/killingmonsterswritingthings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Luffy had held it together on the island because, well, his priority had been to get Bartolomeo and Desire out of there and he knew – he knew that he was stronger than Bill. Bill had no Haki. Bill was a Paramecia.</p><p>Bill wasn't Akainu.</p>
            </blockquote>





	'Cause Even Heroes Get The Blues

**Author's Note:**

> i was watching the filler episodes and boy did i have thoughts and feelings (as referenced in [this post](http://paladings.tumblr.com/post/147556392875/im-watching-the-new-one-piece-ep-and-wondering))

 

 

Luffy had held it together on the island because, well, his priority had been to get Bartolomeo and Desire out of there and he knew – he knew that he was stronger than Bill. Bill had no Haki. Bill was a Paramecia. Bill was just another misguided guy trying to get in his way.

But his heart was still beating way faster than it usually did during fights, racing so hard that he could barely feel his own heartbeat, and the edges of his vision were blurry. And sometimes he could have sworn he wasn't fighting Bill but someone with an entirely different face. Someone much taller.

And when he got back to the ship, he noticed his legs were shaking so hard that it made him stumble. He would've fallen if Robin's conveniently sprouting hands hadn't caught him.

Usopp leaned over him. “Are you okay?” he asked, concern lacing his voice.

“I think so.” Luffy attempted a smile. “It was just really hot over there.”

“He's probably dehydrated,” Law said, slowly walking over. “You should drink some water.”

Thanks to the Barto Crew there was a pitcher with cold water next to him in seconds and Luffy downed a cup while he watched the burning remains of the island disappear in the sea.

Again the face appeared in front of his eyes and he dropped the cup to press his hands to his face.

Akainu.

“Luffy?” Zoro’s voice sounded far away through the static in his ears.

“Luffy-senpai?” Bartolomeo had picked up the cup and was holding it out to him. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

There was a million things he could have said. That he was hungry, or that he was tired, or just the truth – but instead Luffy only shook his head.

“Let me look at him,” Law said and shouldered past Bartolomeo.

Luffy lowered his hands on instinct and Law’s face came into view from the darkness. Law was fine. Law was safe.

“Show me your hands,” Law instructed. “He didn’t burn you, did he? Those wounds don’t heal pretty.”

Luffy shook his head again but stretched out his hands automatically. “No, I activated my Haki, but- Oh.” He looked down at himself to his scar. Finally Akainu’s face flickering into sight made sense.

Law inspected Luffy’s hands before he pressed both of his hands to Luffy’s cheek. “Look at me,” he said. “Whatever you’re seeing, it’s not real. It’s just your memories messing with you.”

Luffy didn’t say anything, just stared at Law until Law finally pulled away and turned to snatch the cup back out of Barto’s hand. Then he pressed it back into Luffy’s. “You’re having a flashback,” he said.

“Yeah,” Luffy mumbled. “I didn’t...” He still didn’t know what to say, or how to make his words work for him.

“I know,” Law said and cupped Luffy’s face with one hand again for a moment before he put it on his shoulder in a steadying motion.

“I think I want to sleep,” Luffy said. He reminded himself to raise the cup of water to his lips and drink some of it.

“Okay,” Law said. “Zoro-ya, can you help me get him inside? I don’t think I can manage with only one fully functional arm.”

“What’s happening?” Usopp asked.

“Robin-ya can explain, I figure,” Law said. He didn’t snap at Usopp, not really, but it sounded dismissive to Luffy’s ears and he wanted to say something, but couldn’t get the words out. He realized that he was shivering again.

Zoro appeared at Luffy’s other side and together Law and him got Luffy to his feet.

Being Bartolomeo’s favorite had the upside of Luffy somehow having his own room on the ship – it was the captain’s quarters, willingly and enthusiastically relinquished to him, and Bartolomeo seemed to have tried to tidy up only a little, but Luffy didn’t care about the mess anyway.

Law and Zoro carefully set him down on the bed.

“Do you want me to stay?” Zoro asked.

“I don’t know,” Luffy said and when he raised his hand to try and shoo away another image of Akainu, he noticed that he was still holding the cup. Zoro took it from him and put it down on top of a few magazines on the bedside table.

“I’m gonna go then,” he said. “Law can call me in later, if you want.”

Luffy felt himself nodding.

The door closed behind Zoro.

 

“Do you still want to sleep?” Law asked.

“Yeah,” Luffy mumbled and then, after a moment, added: “I don’t know if I can, though.”

“You could lie down anyway,” Law said and Luffy nodded again.

The pillow was soft and the fabric of the sheets beneath him felt slightly rougher than the blankets they had on the Sunny. He missed the Sunny, the ship that had become his home. But this was okay for now, this had to be enough.

“Has this happened before?” Law asked and the mattress dipped as he sat down.

Luffy tried to remember. “No,” he said. “I don’t… think so. I remember being scared of fire for a while and nightmares… But not like this.” He pressed his hands back to his eyes to block out the pictures because if he put enough pressure on them, stars exploded behind his eyelids instead of the unwanted memories of Akainu attacking him and Ace.

God, Ace.

“I keep seeing him. I keep seeing Akainu. He’s not even here.”

He felt Law’s hand on his arm.

“You’re right, he isn’t. And the images are going to go away again eventually.” Law slowly pried away Luffy’s hands from his face. “Stop, you’re going to hurt yourself.”

“But I don’t want to see him.”

There was the sound of Law’s boots hitting the floor and then he came back into view, settling down next to Luffy so his face filled out all of Luffy’s view.

“I know,” he said.

“Bill didn’t even look like Akainu at all until… until the end, maybe.” Luffy remembered that Law didn’t know what Bill had looked like. “He turned all big, and got redder and shiny, like he was a Logia all of a sudden and everything was so _hot_ and he kept shooting molten metal at us and I could barely-” His breath caught in his throat and he tried sucking it back in. It had been like he had been back on Marineford in the middle of a war and Akainu had been trying to kill him and Ace had saved him.

Ace.

“Breathe,” Law told him and his hand was back on Luffy’s face. “Do it with me. In and out.”

Luffy did. In and out, in and out.

And then he started crying.

Law held him.

“Bartolomeo’s okay,” he told him. “Desire’s okay. You’re okay. We’re all fine. It’s okay.”

Luffy was comforted by his deep, steady voice, at least, but it took him a long time to stop crying.

 

 

He didn’t know when he had drifted off, he just noticed that he must have been asleep when he woke up.

He woke up screaming.

Law sat up immediately next to him, groaning because he had pushed himself up on his bad arm.

“Ace,” Luffy wheezed, sitting up himself. He was crying again.

“It was a dream, Luffy-ya,” Law said. “You were dreaming.”

“He’s still dead,” was the only thing Luffy could say. In his sleep Ace died over and over again and he couldn’t save him, no matter how often he tried. “I beat Bill but I couldn’t beat Akainu.”

“You were younger back then,” Law said, brushing his sweaty hair off his forehead. “You had barely awakened your Haki, you couldn’t use armament yet. The game was rigged. Akainu shouldn’t have attacked. You were alone. None of it was your fault, do you hear me?”

Luffy shook his head, unable to say anything. Maybe it hadn’t been his fault entirely, but if he had been a second faster, if his crew had been there… He wiped at his cheeks angrily.

Law pushed the refilled cup of water back into his hands. “Drink something,” he instructed.

Luffy did.

“I had flashbacks, too,” Law said. “Everytime I saw snow and everytime someone lit a cigarette and everytime I was around medical equipment. So, virtually all the time.”

“You smoke,” Luffy pointed out, his voice small.

“Occasionally, yes,” Law said. “It’s more of a gentle reminder now, because it’s been over a decade.”

“You’re a doctor,” Luffy said and held the cup back out for Law to put it back on the bedside table.

Law laughed a little. “Yes, I am. I had to help myself first of all because I made Cora-san a promise, and then I had to help other people… I’m fine this way. Or I try to be.”

“You spent forever on an island that was covered in snow,” Luffy said because none of the things Law had listed made sense to him. He had done all of these things. He was connected to all of these things. It had to have been painful.

“I did it to get revenge,” Law said. “And I spent most of that time inside and underground. I still don’t like snow...”

“You faced Doflamingo,” Luffy said.

“I couldn’t beat him either,” Law pointed out. “That was all you. See, I wouldn’t have made it either without you.”

Luffy thought about that for a while before he asked his next question. “Do you still blame yourself for what happened when you were little?”

Law shrugged. “Sometimes,” he said. “But I was a child. Going to look for the Ope Ope no Mi wasn’t my idea or decision. Cora-san made that choice. He also chose to die for me and Doflamingo chose to kill his own brother. It wasn’t all my fault.”

Luffy looked down at his hands and it took him a moment to find his voice again.

“I don’t know if it was my fault… Because _I_ was the one who wanted to save him and messed it up in the end.”

“Sabo-ya doesn’t blame you, does he?” Law asked. “He told you that, explicitly, you said. Because he’s just happy to still have one of his brothers after he finally regained his memory. He doesn’t think it was your fault. None of your nakama think it’s your fault. Ace-ya wouldn’t think it was your fault, either.”

Luffy wasn’t sure if he believed him and he couldn’t look at him. “I tried to save Ace… But instead he died for me and you had to save me.”

“I would have saved you both if I could have.”

There was a beat of silence before Luffy finally looked up at Law. He didn’t say anything.

“I kept your hat safe while you were out,” Law said after another moment, “and when you woke up on Amazon Lily and ran off into the forest, I sat there and waited for you and I was holding it while I listened to you scream.”

“I didn’t know that,” Luffy said. When he and Jinbe had returned from the forest after his first breakdown after he had woken up, Rayleigh had been there with his hat next to him and the Heart Pirates had been gone.

“Because I never told you,” Law said and grinned a little. “I made sure to leave before you came back, too. I think I was afraid. So I told myself you were safe with Jinbe-ya and Rayleigh-ya and left.”

Luffy laughed, even though it sounded weak and wet and felt like he was forcing the sound through his raw throat. “You were running away from me.”

“You were vulnerable and traumatized. I wasn’t ready to deal with that. I could only deal with physical wounds...”

“You’ve gotten better at it then,” Luffy said.

“I guess I have,” Law mumbled. “Maybe we _are_ good for each other.”

“You’re seeing that now?” Luffy asked. He hadn’t thought about it a lot but he was sure that Dressrosa would have ended a lot differently if they hadn’t been there with Law.

“Robin-ya has been telling me for _days_ ,” Law said. “I just didn’t believe her.”

Luffy laughed and hid his face in Law’s good shoulder.

To think that so much time had passed since Sabaody and not only had he found his crew again but also found out that Sabo was alive – and above all he had entered this alliance with Law. Somewhere along the way they had found each other.

“Good to know you got your sense of humor back,” Law said. “Do you think you can sleep again?”

Luffy thought about it for a moment. “I don’t know,” he said. “I’m tired but what if I...” He hesitated.

“I’ll still be here if you have another nightmare,” Law said.

Luffy took a deep breath. “Okay.”

They lay down again, their foreheads touching.

“Aren’t you going to sleep too?” Luffy asked.

Law seemed to hesitate for a second. “My nightmares are still here,” he then said. “So I don’t sleep a lot.”

“I knew you didn’t,” Luffy said and frowned. “But I didn’t know your nightmares were still… memories, or whatever.” It had been so long and Law was still haunted by it. Even now that Doflamingo had been defeated. Memories were a powerful thing.

“Mhmm,” Law hummed. “It’s better when I can nap on Bepo.”

“Because he’s so fluffy and squishy?” Luffy asked.

“Possibly,” Law said. “Mostly his presence is just very warm and reassuring.”

“You’re getting him back on Zou,” Luffy said, his eyes drifting shut. Maybe he would be able to sleep after all. “Then you can take good naps again...”

“But for the moment I have you,” he heard Law say. “Go to sleep, Luffy-ya.”

And Luffy did.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> let me know how you liked it and/or come talk to me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/luffylaws) or [tumblr](https://paladings.tumblr.com)! <3


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